I have a few friends, who in possibly drug induced hilarium, joined the most prestigeous of establishments, the police force. Two in particular, stand out as shiny beacons of what we all could achieve, given a pinch of enthusiasm, buckets loads of courage and bugger all else to do. Ryan the Hero Cop, who once killed a Rhino with nothing but his bare hands and the serious look on his face and Ed, the very special constable whos constant efforts to ensure justice is served keeps us all on the edge of our seats. So we can leave quicker.
Ed..I have a friend called Ed, who during the day is an average mail room clerk, but for at least 16 hours a week becomes the long and sometimes overbearing arm of the law. This very special constable dispensing justice as if it were sweets. Hard boiled sweets that is, dispensed via a canon.
During the afternoon of the 30/10/2011, ed was seen firing tear gas into a retirement home moments before entering the premises in full riot gear. In the course of his duty, Ed battered two elderly gentlemen to the floor and knocked a blind lady down two flights of stairs before using a wheelchair bound octegenarian as a human shield while firing bean bags into the crowd of confused residents and shouting 'If I'm going down Im taking you lot with me'.
Ed later explained his actions as a hostile take down of a suspected meth lab and deemed his actions as, not only by the book and adhering to strict policing guidelines, but also completely neccessary. It was revealed to Ed that the small packaged of 'class A narcotics' were in fact dominos and that Vitamin C was, in fact, legal. Ed was also informed that impeding an officer in his duty, although illegal, cannot be applied to a group of senior citizens whos only form of 'impeding' was enquiring if countdown was still on. Furthermore, even the most villainously inventive minds would have struggled to fashin a set of false teeth into a usuable weapon and that smashing the dental aids of diabetic war survivor cannot, in any way, shape or form, be considered self defense. Especially when the dentures were still in the gentlemans mouth.
Ed was duely reprimanded and was sentence to 2 weeks serving pies to Milwall fans
